Dying

ok so since my other blog post was a complete cop out (yep answering someone elses questions does fill space but is still a cop out) so i thought i would write about how shit life is.

yesterday i found out that N (my best friend) lost her nan. now i know we all lose our grandparents at one time but it seems that this was really crap as it was only 5 weeks ago she was told she was ill. anyway i was going to write her a sympathy card but i couldn't think of what i should write. then i remembered a monologe type poem which i love and i thought i would share it here as it always makes me feel better when i lose someone and hope it will her as well.

i am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side, spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.
she is an object of beauty and strength.
i stand and watch her unitl at length she hands like a spec of white cloud, just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
then someone at my side says "there she is gone"
Gone where? gone from my sight that is all.
she is just as large in mast & hull & spar as she was when she left my side, and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
her diminished size is in me not in her.
and just at the moment when someopne at my side says 'there she is gone" there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout "here she comes"
and that is dyiong

i love it, makes me remember that people we have lost are just somewhere else!

Questions

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No but i was going to be named virginia after my nan, but my nan wouldn't ket my parents call me that as she said it was a cruel thing to do to a child

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
today, after i spoke to my best friend who just lost her nan.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
yes most of the time although it changes depending on what pen i use

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
ooooh do i have to pick one? erm probably chicken

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
yep one very very beautiful little boy

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
probably, although i have my days

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
of course not!!

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
yep i do

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
i would unless it was off the bridge near me coz i am frightened of it!!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
special k

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
not always

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
i don't just have one, i just like ice cream!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
teeth, and smell, both of whihc if they're put me off them.

15. WHICH CELEBRITY DO YOU MOST RESEMBLE?
liza minelli people keep telling me. wish i looked like her mother

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
my smelly feet!!!!

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST.
i miss my nan and grandad and uncle as they r gone to the big garden in the sky and i miss my mom and sister daily because they are my best friends!

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
if they want to

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
green and white

20. FAVORITE SOUNDS:
my little boy giggling, it is the best sound in the world and should be sold to depressed people.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
the tv.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
erm........ no idea maybe green

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
be delicious by dkny and johnsons baby loition

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
my mom

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
we i actually pinched it from someone's facebook profile but yes i like them

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
rugby, gymnastics, ice skating,

27. Hair COLOR?
chocolate with gold highlights, a new colour done last thurs!

28. EYE COLOR?
brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS
no, although i have tried funny coloured ones and they didn't suit me.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
anything. it would b easier to ask me the foods i don't like, peas, green beans and sweetcorn!!!


31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
both

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
time travellers wife - sob!!!

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
white

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
i love summer coz everyone is in a good mood, but i love fresh winter days when the sun is out and its snowed!!!

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs, its all about the hugs

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
??????

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
??????


39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
tutenakumen - about a murder mystery in egypt

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
don't have one, as have an apple mac

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
not much as i spent time watching my little boy laughing

42. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
beatles. ironic value: they sung 'will you still need me, will you still feed me, when i'm sixty-four?' and paul mcartney and his wife split just before his 64th birthday! Guess the answer is a massively expensive NO paul.

43. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
mexico

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
yep i am very musical and will try my hand at almost any instrument

46 WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
walsall (not poland!!)

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
im enjoying my own contributions way too much to listen to what others have to say on the matter.

injections

(ok so i actually wrote this blog on 17th feb but thought i had lost it!)

so as the title of my blog suggests, today has all been about L.J's injections. i spent the 15 minutes in the waiting room with my tummy churning and then after a quick check on the weighing scales (he's now 10lb 10) i had to take him for a check up with the doc. it then transpires that in fact he has one testicle that is much smaller than the other so he will have to have a visit with a paediatrician. so then the health visitor called me into the the room for injections and i could feel my heart jump and even a sheen of sweat appearing on my top lip. why was i so scared i hear you asking? i mean its not like its me getting the jab right? well it was wwwaaayyy worse. when they first put it in he was ok but then he really started to cry and they still had to do the second one which was in the other leg, which just made him cry all the more.

i have to say i was very proud of him though as the crying only lasted a few minutes and then he was back to his smily self unlike some of the babies in the waiting room! unlike me i have to say, had i not had my mother in law there i would probably have burst into tears as i felt awful letting someone make him cry that much, but the way i have to look at it is that now he will be covered for life against some very terrible diseases.

ok gonna go eat some lob scaws(welsh version of stew!)

xoxoxo

Dreams can come true......

Well I bloody well hope not ha ha! I was dreaming about killer slugs last night so I don't really want that one to come true do I?

Ok so Valentines day was good, i got my first bunch of flowers in about 8 years so not too shabby if I do say so myself. We went for a meal at the hotel where we got married and there were all candles etc so it was a really nice meal. The pudding was to die for and I could've eaten the rest of the cake!!

But its obvious that we are parents now as we came home watched a film and I was asleep by ten thirty. Life and soul of the party me!!!!

L.J has his jabs tomorrow and I am none too happy about it. I am sure he will be fine but its just the thought of something deliberately making him cry is awful. It doesn't help that I already have issues with needles either! My mother in law is coming to for moral support and then I am going to hers to spend the day as I thought that was a good idea as if he runs a temperature or anything afterwards at least I am not on my own since S is at work.

right gotta go warm some bottles

xoxo

argggggghhhh i hate people in department stores

why is it that a small minority of people who work in department stores feel the need to make their customers feel like sub standard human beings? well this is exactly what happened to me yesterday.

ok so here's the story: after a wonderful lunch with C i decided to nip into the famous department store and whilst there i saw this BEAUTIFUL pair of purple suede shoes that i was pretty sure would go perfectly with the dress i am wearing to R & S's wedding. However as usual my brain got the better of me and i began to question that they were the right colour (as it always does when i see the 'perfect' shoes!!) so after checking the price, which was almost too good to be true, £70 down to £21.

anyway i am going off on a tangent. so i went to ask the assistant if i got the shoes home and they were the wrong color could i swap them for something else. This is where my finding the perfect shoe story turned into a nightmare. After looking me up and down like i was a piece of dirt she turned and said "yes so long as you don't leave it forever to bring them back.. and make sure you haven't WORN them" i put the word worn in caps because she emphasised this word as if it was a foul taste in her mouth!!! At first i just stood there in disbelief, i mean did i look like the type of person to buy shoes, wear them and then take them back.

So after a few moments i could feel all the blood rushing to my face and from that moment on i knew there was no going back, i said "pardon me? do i look like the type of person to bring back worn shoes? is there a reason you felt the need to be that rude to me? or are you like that to everyone?" the look on the assistants face was a picture!! i then said "never mind i will be buying the shoes and even if they are wrong i will be keeping them, but i will also be making a complaint to your head office about you complete lack on good customer service" and with that i left her standing there

I actually think this was quite good of me, because the way i felt i could have embedded the heel of the shoes i was buying into her scalp!!!

right now that is over with i feel much better. I did get a lovely bunch of flowers from S yesterday, and he bought L.J a new t-shirt. i think he was really very proud of himself.

ok nite nite

xoxo

sleepy sleepy sleepy

ok so as i intimated with the title of my blog today has all been about sleep. the fact that i don't get enough at the moment and the fact that the sleep i do get is tainted by crazy dreams.

on the subject of dreams, did you ever wake up and think "what the hell???" see today after a small catnap while L.J was sleeping i had the crazyest dreams. They were a bit like the ones i had while pregnant but this time i could remembered EVERY detail. oh well maybe they will eventually wear off when i am less sleep deprived.

spoke to JL last night and she agrees that LW is just trying to provoke a response with her very barbed comment on facebook.l why is it that people have to make a big deal about EVERYTHING? i guess jealousy makes people do crazy stuff.

ok better get little man to bed as i am going to lunch tomorrow with C

nite nite

xoxo

18.01.2010

Eventful day just does not cover it!! me & S had planned to take L.J to visit his works mates but as seems to be a daily occurrence we ended up in an argument and all because S didn't want me to come along, i mean why would he want to go on his own? what could he have to hide that he was so aggressive about it? am i just paranoid? who knows but i ended up telling him fine to take him on his own and as i let go of the pram it took that moment to swerve to the right - in the direction of the road! TYPICAL so now S thinks i was trying to kill L.J, which obviously i didn't. Although i didn't admit it, my heart did jump into my mouth as it happened and even though i tried to cover by telling S i knew he was there to get the pram, i knew it was a mistake as soon as it happened.

ok don't wanna talk about it anymore as it makes me wanna cry

xoxox